I’ll Speak On It…

It’s always nice to catch a muse.

I say that because as I was sitting here last night wondering what the hell I could possibly blog about, I kept coming up short. I had no idea what to write about, nor how to write about it, but…alas…the Boondocks came to the rescue. Now typically, Boondocks episodes (at least in the past) were all about the humor. With the dawn of the third season, it was pretty evident that Aaron MacGruder had plans to put a message in each of his episodes, even if it was initially masked by humor. In the “Red Ball” episode, it was about how China pretty much owns the U.S. In the “It’s a Black President, Huey Freeman” episode, it was pretty much about how everyone expected our President to basically be Jesus without realizing that politics is still a process. In this episode, he tackled a topic that few people talk about, and even fewer are willing to admit about themselves: insecurity.

Ah, the elephant in the room named insecurity. Everybody knows it’s there, but no one wants to acknowledge its presence. It’s funny to me how in my own life and in the lives of those that I’m privy to be a part of, how much insecurity runs rampant. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the most secure person on the planet, and I would be a liar and a fraud to sit and say that I’ve always got it together, and I’m always confident in what I do. What I will say is that I’ve gotten a hell of a lot better at how I approach and handle things. I guess it’s coming with maturity, or maybe I’m just tired of doing the same thing to get the same results. Either way…I’ve made some changes, and eventually, the fruits of my changes will show.

Take the progression of the episode for reference points about insecurity. Grandad had gone through crazy relationship after ridiculous situation all back to back, and had gotten to the point where he was just done. Deleted the Facebook account and had basically given up on women as a whole. Who can really sit here and say that they haven’t had that type of a moment? I know for damn sure I have, and I am pretty certain it’ll happen to me again. Blame it on my personality. Then…he came across someone new. Completely random encounter, and decided that he wanted to pursue it, even after she completely broke all of the “rules” by asking him out on a date. As he was getting to know her, everyone around him was questioning the situation. Everyone. Huey and Riley were telling him he needed to give it a rest, Uncle Ruckus did everything to try and get them to stop talking…all because of his past. All because of the women he had dealt with before he met the woman (named Ebony Brown). But, Grandad kept going, and kept spending time with Ebony. Once things were really going good, he got scared. Scared that things were about to fall apart. So he consulted his grandkids for advice on what to do, and he decides to make drastic changes to himself in order to see if she’ll stick around for the long haul. Once he did that, he got paranoid, got in a fight with a man that wasn’t even paying her any attention, and she stopped calling. For 16 hours. Because she went overseas with her company to help aid in the typhoon. During that time period, Grandad called her 137462389437 times, left voicemails and texts, and eventually got on a plane and flew to Malaysia to chase after her. After he did all of that…she told him he was moving too fast and it would just be best that they not speak anymore.

Now I did all of that recap of the episode to make a few points…the main point being don’t let your past dictate your future. There is nothing wrong with letting the events of your past influence the choices you make in the future, but please don’t let the past run your life. I’m not saying that I have never called the past into my present; hell, if you’ve ever heard me have a conversation while I’m going through something, the past comes up. But in the same token, I don’t and I won’t let it completely take over my life. Without getting too personal on this here blog, here within the last 7 months, I completely overhauled the way I approached situations. Before this last situation, I was extra clingy…always wanted to be up under a guy, always wanted to talk to him all day, always had to ask a million and one questions of where we were going and what we were doing. Needless to say, none of those panned out. Now, with this last situation, I did almost the complete opposite. Basically, I fell back. Didn’t ask a whole lot of questions, didn’t really cling, etc. Needless to say, that didn’t pan out either. Does it hurt my feelings? Yep, sure does, cuz I thought this situation would have been something. But…what I refuse to do…is sit and let this situation that I thought was going to go well deter me from situations in the future. No matter how many thoughts I have of how I thought it was going to go different, or how many wishes I had that it didn’t end up the way it is now, I can’t let this one event keep me from experiencing happiness in the future. Do endings make you doubt the future? Of course they do! I would be a liar to sit here and say that in recent memory I haven’t sat here and said that I’m just tired of trying with men and I don’t want to be bothered because I said it. Multiple times. But…I can’t ever expect to grow if I always hold on to the transgressions of my past…As a friend of mine says, “you get it wrong til you get it right…” Maybe if I really started looking at that for real in the realm of relationships, I’d have a lot more fun dealing with people…

Self-sabotage may be one of the biggest killers of relationships, right up there with a lack of communication and lack of trust. It’s one of the biggest demons I face whenever I get into a situation with someone new. To be honest, it’s hard to think that something good will happen to you if you’ve always been surrounded by bad luck. Hope is probably the hardest thing to maintain, because it’s so easily dashed, especially when you’ve just gotten it back. It is my goal for my own life to not sabotage situations before they get a chance to play out. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 2010 is to let things be as they will. However it’s supposed to play out, it will; doubting yourself will only lead to the exact opposite of the result you truly desire.

I never thought I’d be this introspective and reflective due to a cartoon…but that’s the power of the Boondocks…

So to all of you reading, let me ask you this: Are you really secure in yourself and in your relational dealings? Or are you just “fakin it til you make it?” How has insecurity played a role in the success or the demise of your relationships? Are you currently in a situation with someone who is insecure/you’re insecure about yourself or how things are going? Share, spill, give feedback…

Til next time, folks…

  1. I think I’m pretty secure in myself. Then again, I haven’t been in a real relationship in quite a while, and have not really met anyone that I would want to pursue something with. This makes me feel insecure in my standards. Like, maybe I’m asking too much. Then I meet a guy and things spiral from okay to “aw, hells naw” and I feel secure in the standards again.

    As for in a relationship, I haven’t had the opportunity to try out the changes I needed to make in myself after my marriage, so I don’t know about that part.

  2. Wait, did I even respond to the actual post? LOL

  3. Insecurity is a tricky little guy. For the most part, I’m secure in myself. I have a lot more confidence than I used to growing up, but I still battle with insecurities now and again. I’ve never had insecurities ruin a relationship for me (at least to my knowledge), but I’ve had them pop up during my recovery period after a breakup. My insecurities seemed to mainly resurface while I was trying to attract new interest from a female. I’d have a brazillion (the area of Brazil x a million = a brazillion) self-critical thoughts rush through my mind while I’d try to “be myself” around a girl I was interested in.

    As I’ve grown, I’ve come to accept some of my less-than-perfect attributes and learned to strut my stuff, if you will. However, I also try to mask other insecurities that I haven’t gotten over with fake confidence. For the most part though, I be who I be and I like it that way. But I only got to this point after years of mistakes, rejection, and constructive reflection.

  4. Great post. I know for myself that my insecurities were (and sometimes are) a big problem for me. The crazy thing about insecurities are self-inflicted because we see someone who is obtaining those things in life we want (i.e. a relationship) and use them as a measuring stick instead of using those things God has given us to our advantage.

    At this point in life I’ve come to terms with my insecurities and know that if I am meant to be with someone they will like me despite my insecurities and I the same. Hell one of the things I am insecure of might be the reason why the person will want to be in a relationship with me.

    So don’t let your insecurities (or any negative thing) be your stumbling block but your stepping stone.

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