Archive for the ‘ relationships ’ Category

5 Reasons I Want A Man…

reasons 1-5.

It’s no secret to people that know me that I’m single. Single as a dollar bill as I love to say. And you know what, that’s ok! Sometimes I relish in the fact that I’m a single girl living in this cool world with no one to answer to, no one to check in with, and no one to have to integrate into my already busy life. BUT…I’m still human, and more importantly, I’m still me, so…I know I want a relationship. In some ways, I’m not even 100% certain why I want a relationship, but I know I do. That whole…support, having each other’s back, and keeping each other in check thing is kinda attractive to me, what can I say? In keeping with my tradition of letting you all have first dibs on my mental mind, I thought I’d share with you my top 5 ridiculous reasons why I want a man. These are in no particular order, so just go with me.

1.) To have someone to cook for
Ya’ll. Listen. This past month or so has been absolutely ridiculous for me. I have never felt so many urges to cook for someone in my life. I’ve literally gone to the grocery store and dropped bills on bills on bills on groceries just to come home and cook for someone! The person that’s benefitted the most from this is my good friend Shon, since she’s been present for damn near everything I’ve cooked in this recent domestic binge. From salmon with watermelon and shrimp salad to turkey burgers and fried plantains to shrimp and broccoli alfredo to nutella cheesecake bars, she’s been here for it all. She’s even said to me, “Girl, if you had a man, I’d tell you to make this for him…” -_- hmph.

2.) To have someone to shop for
I know, this sounds absolutely ridiculous, but…let me explain. I have a slight sneaker addiction/obsession. More than half of the shoes in my closet are sneakers, and well…if I could wear them everyday, I swear I would. Now everytime I walk into Finish Line, I first head for the kids section to see what I want, but then I somehow always end up in the men’s section looking at shoes! Whose feet can fit those? Not mine! I walk past Nike Air Max 95s, Polo sneakers, Sperry Top Siders (even though they aren’t sneakers), take a longing glance at them, and walk out of the store empty headed and sad faced. And don’t get me started on when I go into Macy’s and hit the Polo section and go into Express to the dress shirt and tie section. Apparently, I want someone to spend money on. Where in the hell did this come from?

3.) To have someone to go places with me
It’s common knowledge to anyone that knows me that I like to go out and have fun and that I love to travel. Going to the bar? Count me in. Headed to a sporting event? Yep, I’m there. A concert is in town? Hell yeah, I’m going! The crew wants to go somewhere? I’m putting my planning hat on and making the reservations. The problem is…who the hell is going with me to these things? I love my friends to death, and love it when they go places with me, but I know they have lives! And their lives don’t always revolve around making sure I have fun when I go somewhere. For me to have a built in travel/fun buddy? MAN! That would be dope as hell. Granted, he’d actually have to like to do some of the same things I like to do, but…we’re not talking specifics right now!

4.) To have another driver around
I’m about to start shouting in here just from typing that. The thought of not having to always drive myself?! Listen. I think outside of work, I spend more time in my car than I do anywhere else. Everywhere I go, I drive, and sometimes I even drive other people where they need to go. The gas usage doesn’t really bother me (yet), but the time spent behind the wheel is starting to drive me up a wall. Sometimes I wanna text while I’m in the car…other times, it’d be nice to catch a quick 5-10 minute nap while I sit in the passenger seat…can I do that now? Nope! Do ya’ll know how excited I would be to just be like “hey babe, can you drive from Waldorf to Landover to Silver Spring to Baltimore and back to Largo tonight?” *does dougie* Seriously, the man might get a meal and a new shirt off of that alone…

5.) To have someone’s clothes to steal
If you looked in my pajama drawer, you’d swear I was a semi-pro basketball player. Nothing but tank tops and basketball shorts in there since I moved the lingerie to a different drawer. Now I remember there was a conversation on Twitter about how if a girl takes a guy’s clothes, that means something serious between the two of them. Let me tell you how I’d love to be sleeping in a shirt that smells like my man or in a pair of his clean basketball shorts. *rolls around in bed at the thought* I have a thing about scent, so to have something that smells like the man I’m with? *shakes head* If I steal his clothes, I’ll have built in pajamas whenever I stay at his place or he stays at mine…I think that’s a win-win for everyone involved.

So there you have it folks – my top 5 absolutely ridiculous reasons why I want to be in a relationship. What say you, good people? Any of my single readers want to be in a relationship, and if so, can you relate? For my readers out there who are living the boo’ed up life, have you ever had urges like the ones I talked about here? Take a minute and share some thoughts with me…until next time!


Feature Fridays – Le BOOM Vent Suite

Howdy folks! Welcome back to Feature Fridays, and today I have a pretty personal song chosen. I know it’s the Friday before a holiday, and everyone is amped to get their long weekend started (I KNOW I am), but I decided I needed to share this song with you all since it’s been on constant rotation for the last week.

It always feels like Christmas to me when an artist that I love releases new music. With every track that passes, it’s like ripping another piece of wrapping paper off of the biggest gift under the tree. When Jill Scott released her new album, “The Light of the Sun,” it was no different for me. Her music has been a soundtrack for me in both sad and happy times, so I was eager to see what direction she took this new album in. As with most new music I buy, I bought it on my iPod, so I pulled my headphones in while at my desk at work and began to listen. 1 got to track 5 and immediately stopped in my tracks.

“Le Boom Vent Suite” seems to speak to every corner of my life. It’s almost as if Jill took a trip to DC, asked me what was going on, and wrote a song about it. The beginning of the song is completely empowering for me, and inspires me to make some changes in my own life, while the end reminds me that it’s sometimes easier said than done. That balance between believing that someone doesn’t want you and you deciding that it’s time to leave with the realization that maybe they do want you if you stick it out, coupled with your realization that you completely want them and you feel that they’d benefit your life if they’d just get it together? Man. It’s like she knows me. It’s so beautifully painful for me to listen to that I can’t seem to turn away from it whenever it comes on. As if you couldn’t already tell, I relate best to music, but it’s especially gripping for me when I’m going through something or trying to get to a place that’s described in a particular song. Whenever I feel strongly about a song, I tend to listen to it over and over, and that’s exactly what I’ve done with this song this week.

If you haven’t done so already, please go buy her album! It’s a work of art from start to finish in my opinion, and as a woman, there are a few songs on there that I completely relate to and that I feel very strongly about, with “Le Boom Vent Suite” taking the lead for the one I feel the most about. Are there any songs that you all have that seem to just kick you in the chest because it most accurately describes your life at a certain point? Let’s chat about them in the comments! Until next time, folks…

An Ode to The Foreign Exchange

If you’ve spent any amount of time with me within the last calendar year, you would know how much of a Foreign Exchange fan that I am. And I don’t mean a “oh yeah, their new CD comes out tomorrow, lemme go cop it” type of a fan. I’m the “let me pre order the CD, order the CDs I don’t have, and put everybody and their momma onto these things” type of fan. I mean, in the words of my good friend Cheekie, I STAN for these two. Let me give you a bit of a history on how I became such a Foreign Exchange fan…

Thanks to Twitter, I had started “meeting” people that I had never met before in real life. One of these people was an MC from my alma mater, DK aka Wayne Watts. He and I built up a rapport based on music, and when he released his “24” mixtape for his 24th birthday, there was one song in particular, titled “Birthday Party Guestlist (R.S.V.P.)” that caught me as soon as the beat dropped. Since he took the liberty of shouting me out at the end of the mixtape (that still touches my spirit btw), I decided to ask him where in the world he got the instrumental from for that song. He excitedly replied that it was from this group called The Foreign Exchange and the name of the song was Take Off The Blues. Ya’ll know I went to YouTube IMMEDIATELY and found the video for it. When I tell you my jaw hit the ground as I listened to the song…

That wasn’t the first time I had been introduced to FE. I remember a few years ago, hearing some tracks off of Connected, but I never thought to ask who the group was, or where I could find the music…but when I was re-introduced to them through DK, I. FELL. IN. LOVE. Never in my life had I experienced such a strong connection to music before…as someone who defines every event in her life through a soundtrack, it literally felt as if I had just discovered the soundtrack to my life. I can literally piece together songs off of all three albums to create my own personal soundtrack. From the chill flow of “Come Around” on Connected, to the introspective flow of “Daykeeper” on Leave It All Behind to the smooth groove of “Don’t Wait” on Authenticity, I have been able to musically describe my life and my thought processes for the last year thanks totally to The Foreign Exchange.

If for some unknown reason, you have NOT been blessed by the sheer talent of this amazing duo, please do yourself a favor and go download their catalog. You can get it in the iTunes store, or go to their website to getchu a piece of glory. From Nicolay’s amazing beats (like seriously, I have a heightened level of respect for anyone that can come up with music off the top of their head, but where does he GET the inspiration for this stuff? Listening to his instrumentals is like listening to magic be made, for real.) to Phonte’s verses so eloquently laid over top of said beats (and once again, this dude is the truth. He spits some real words about life and everything that comes with it in every single song on every one of their albums; I promise you, if you listen hard enough, you’ll be thinking about a lot by the time the album ends…), you can’t be disappointed in this group. You just can’t.

And let us not forget Darien Brockington, Zo!, and Yahzarah, all members of the Foreign Exchange family. Talk about people that can sing and compose music like none other…all of their features on FE albums, coupled with their own solo efforts…high quality music. I’ve put numerous people on to the entire FE family, and I literally get excited at the mere mention of new music from anyone in the group.

Everytime I listen to a Foreign Exchange piece, no matter what mood I’m in, a little piece of my soul smiles. From the bottom of my heart, to both Nicolay and Phonte, I thank you for making the music you make. You have no idea the positive impact that each of your CDs has had on my life. You literally speak to my soul and have helped me get through and process through many situations over the last 12 months. I’m SO looking forward to the next time you come to DC, because I will DEFINITELY be front and center!

Til next time, folks…

I’ll Speak On It…

It’s always nice to catch a muse.

I say that because as I was sitting here last night wondering what the hell I could possibly blog about, I kept coming up short. I had no idea what to write about, nor how to write about it, but…alas…the Boondocks came to the rescue. Now typically, Boondocks episodes (at least in the past) were all about the humor. With the dawn of the third season, it was pretty evident that Aaron MacGruder had plans to put a message in each of his episodes, even if it was initially masked by humor. In the “Red Ball” episode, it was about how China pretty much owns the U.S. In the “It’s a Black President, Huey Freeman” episode, it was pretty much about how everyone expected our President to basically be Jesus without realizing that politics is still a process. In this episode, he tackled a topic that few people talk about, and even fewer are willing to admit about themselves: insecurity.

Ah, the elephant in the room named insecurity. Everybody knows it’s there, but no one wants to acknowledge its presence. It’s funny to me how in my own life and in the lives of those that I’m privy to be a part of, how much insecurity runs rampant. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the most secure person on the planet, and I would be a liar and a fraud to sit and say that I’ve always got it together, and I’m always confident in what I do. What I will say is that I’ve gotten a hell of a lot better at how I approach and handle things. I guess it’s coming with maturity, or maybe I’m just tired of doing the same thing to get the same results. Either way…I’ve made some changes, and eventually, the fruits of my changes will show.

Take the progression of the episode for reference points about insecurity. Grandad had gone through crazy relationship after ridiculous situation all back to back, and had gotten to the point where he was just done. Deleted the Facebook account and had basically given up on women as a whole. Who can really sit here and say that they haven’t had that type of a moment? I know for damn sure I have, and I am pretty certain it’ll happen to me again. Blame it on my personality. Then…he came across someone new. Completely random encounter, and decided that he wanted to pursue it, even after she completely broke all of the “rules” by asking him out on a date. As he was getting to know her, everyone around him was questioning the situation. Everyone. Huey and Riley were telling him he needed to give it a rest, Uncle Ruckus did everything to try and get them to stop talking…all because of his past. All because of the women he had dealt with before he met the woman (named Ebony Brown). But, Grandad kept going, and kept spending time with Ebony. Once things were really going good, he got scared. Scared that things were about to fall apart. So he consulted his grandkids for advice on what to do, and he decides to make drastic changes to himself in order to see if she’ll stick around for the long haul. Once he did that, he got paranoid, got in a fight with a man that wasn’t even paying her any attention, and she stopped calling. For 16 hours. Because she went overseas with her company to help aid in the typhoon. During that time period, Grandad called her 137462389437 times, left voicemails and texts, and eventually got on a plane and flew to Malaysia to chase after her. After he did all of that…she told him he was moving too fast and it would just be best that they not speak anymore.

Now I did all of that recap of the episode to make a few points…the main point being don’t let your past dictate your future. There is nothing wrong with letting the events of your past influence the choices you make in the future, but please don’t let the past run your life. I’m not saying that I have never called the past into my present; hell, if you’ve ever heard me have a conversation while I’m going through something, the past comes up. But in the same token, I don’t and I won’t let it completely take over my life. Without getting too personal on this here blog, here within the last 7 months, I completely overhauled the way I approached situations. Before this last situation, I was extra clingy…always wanted to be up under a guy, always wanted to talk to him all day, always had to ask a million and one questions of where we were going and what we were doing. Needless to say, none of those panned out. Now, with this last situation, I did almost the complete opposite. Basically, I fell back. Didn’t ask a whole lot of questions, didn’t really cling, etc. Needless to say, that didn’t pan out either. Does it hurt my feelings? Yep, sure does, cuz I thought this situation would have been something. But…what I refuse to do…is sit and let this situation that I thought was going to go well deter me from situations in the future. No matter how many thoughts I have of how I thought it was going to go different, or how many wishes I had that it didn’t end up the way it is now, I can’t let this one event keep me from experiencing happiness in the future. Do endings make you doubt the future? Of course they do! I would be a liar to sit here and say that in recent memory I haven’t sat here and said that I’m just tired of trying with men and I don’t want to be bothered because I said it. Multiple times. But…I can’t ever expect to grow if I always hold on to the transgressions of my past…As a friend of mine says, “you get it wrong til you get it right…” Maybe if I really started looking at that for real in the realm of relationships, I’d have a lot more fun dealing with people…

Self-sabotage may be one of the biggest killers of relationships, right up there with a lack of communication and lack of trust. It’s one of the biggest demons I face whenever I get into a situation with someone new. To be honest, it’s hard to think that something good will happen to you if you’ve always been surrounded by bad luck. Hope is probably the hardest thing to maintain, because it’s so easily dashed, especially when you’ve just gotten it back. It is my goal for my own life to not sabotage situations before they get a chance to play out. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in 2010 is to let things be as they will. However it’s supposed to play out, it will; doubting yourself will only lead to the exact opposite of the result you truly desire.

I never thought I’d be this introspective and reflective due to a cartoon…but that’s the power of the Boondocks…

So to all of you reading, let me ask you this: Are you really secure in yourself and in your relational dealings? Or are you just “fakin it til you make it?” How has insecurity played a role in the success or the demise of your relationships? Are you currently in a situation with someone who is insecure/you’re insecure about yourself or how things are going? Share, spill, give feedback…

Til next time, folks…

in the rotation…

First off, it’s rare for me to have two posts right back to back of one another. Even more rare that I’ve found time to actually sit and write anything. Seeing as how I’m a professional procrastinator, and I have like a bajillion other things to do, I seem to never have time to actually sit and write down what I want to say. I’ve toyed with the idea of several other topics, but I thought this one would be the most appropriate to discuss, seeing as how I’m relationship-oriented (had you figured that one out yet?) The topic of the “dating rotation” came up in conversation between one of my male friends and I as he was giving me some perspective on some things going on in my life. What he mentioned is that in his particular dating situations, he sometimes would have a rotation of of girls in his life, and that he would have them to call, or go out with, or kick it with, or what have you..he coined it the rotation. Now, I decided to go to my other friends and see what they thought about the notion that people have rotations when they’re dating, and I honestly got some pretty good feedback. Everyone I asked agreed that it’s natural for people to date more than one person at the same time, but one person didn’t think that everyone did it. I tend to agree with that person, simply because I’m a self-proclaimed bad dater.

But I digress. Do I think people have rotations? Yeah, I do…I’ve had a rotation back in my day…it wasn’t for a long time, and it wasn’t a whole lot of people, but I was talking to more than one person at once. Do I do it so much now? No, but I’m starting to think I probably should. As it was brought up in my social survey, it’s a good way to meet people and a good way to determine who suitable mates could be. Keep people around long enough, and you’ll eventually see who’s there for you and who’s not. I think the problem comes in when either a) sex is introduced into the rotation with more than one person or b) ninjas just decide to get greedy and want every member of the rotation to be on the same level. I’m personally of the subscription that sleeping with your entire rotation does nothing but make you look a) like a ho and b) like you have no idea what you want other than sex. If that’s all you want, then you have to be upfront with the people you’re dating/talking to, and let them know. I think honesty is one of the biggest components of having successful dating circles, and I think it’s one of the components that’s used the least in my opinion. When people get greedy, it leaves the potential for everyone to think that they’re number 1 if they’re being treated like number 1, when there may not even be any numbers at all…(again, I digress). If people get greedy in their rotations, feelings get involved, people get hurt, and it’s just all around a bad situation in my opinion. It could all be avoided with simple conversation, but sometimes those conversations are the hardest to have, ya know?

So to my blog readers out there, I pose some questions. Do/Have you had a rotation? If so, how did it work out for you? Do you think this “definition” of dating is just simply the same as regular ol’ dating or is having a rotation different? Have you ever found a full-fledged relationship from one of the members of your rotation?

Food for thought people…until next time…

Ungrateful Mofos!

This day has been a long day coming…I used to have other blog posts written up here, but I decided to erase them from cyberspace. I just wasn’t feelin em, and wasn’t feelin where my blog was heading. It was a tad too personal, (by personal, I mean I had a tad too many of my actual feelings on here lol) and wasn’t going where I wanted it to go, so I pretty much decided to start over. It wasn’t until my TBF quit Twitter for Lent and decided to start blogging that I decided to pick it back up again (shoutout to my TBF, go read her blog too!) There have been situations and thoughts that have been in my mind for a while now that I think need to be spoken on, and what better medium than Blogger to get some of these thoughts out and to see what other people have to say about things, if they have anything to say at all (lol).

If anyone reading this has ever spent any amount of time around me, or have had a couple of conversations with me, they will be certain that I am mostly relationship-driven. Whether it be developing, maintaining, or creating friendships, I’m always based in relationships. I don’t know if it’s the Libra in me, or the woman in me, or if it has something to do with how I was raised, and my constant desire to want to be close to those around me, but I am always based in relationships. Now…it’s a known fact that I’m single. I’ve been single for a long time now, and I honestly just got comfortable with myself as a young, single, African American woman. And quite frankly, I’m happy being single. I’m genuinely happy with getting to know and love myself and to finally become comfortable with who I am as a person and as a woman, and to get comfortable with what I want out of my life. That being said, I won’t sit here and lie and say that the thought of a relationship never crosses my mind. I’d be a damn lie if I said that, so I won’t. Is it at the forefront of my mind like it used to be? Absolutely not, and I refuse to go back to that ever again, because I don’t like the person I am when relationships and expectations of people are at the front of my mind.

I digress.

With all that being said, I have to delve into what really grinds my gears. Since I’m not in a relationship, I tend to pay attention to people that are. Sorry. If you’re in a relationship, chances are, I’m observing you. I’m not only looking to see what aspects of your relationship I want to take into my own if I am so blessed as to get into one any time soon, but I am also looking at what I don’t want to take. There are things that I see in relationships around me that I honestly appreciate and enjoy. I like seeing people that respect each other, enjoy each other, and make each other happy. Honestly, that makes me smile :o). Now all that extra mushy, let’s kiss on each other every 5 seconds thing…not for me, please save it or get a hotel room lol. It’s really refreshing, especially to see people my age that genuinely know what it means to appreciate the person that they’re with and enjoy who they’re with. That being said, what grinds my gears is the people that don’t. Like…c’mon son. If you’ve got someone that you’re with, or even someone who you’re talking to, please please don’t take them for granted. There are people out here that actually want to be in relationships that aren’t in them, so if you’re so blessed as to be in one, why not enjoy it?! If you’re with somebody…like…enjoy them! Listen to them when they talk! Go out and have fun with them! Support their dreams! Be there for them when things are good AND when things are bad! Take care of them (please take that as you will…)! Respect them, cherish them, love on them, hug them, kiss them, offer up back massages, cook them dinner…I mean damn, there are at least 17 more ways I can put up here to enjoy the person that you’re in a situation or a relationship with and to make them feel good about themselves, but apparently people are missing the memo. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in horrible ass relationships. Scratch that. There is nothing that I hate more as a single person than to see good people in mediocre relationships. Mediocrity just irritates me in every aspect of life, so relationships are no different. I get especially irritated because I know I’m a good person and capable of providing a good relationship (Or am I?…), so it irritates the SHYT out of me to see people going through things that don’t have to be as bad as they are.

I digress again.

The point of that entire thesis up there was basically to say this: If you’re in a relationship/situation, enjoy the person you’re with. Tell em you love em (but only if you really do, no sense in lying…), enjoy their company, talk to them, and really get to know the one you’re with. If you’re not in a relationship/situation (like me), take notes! Experience is the best teacher, but there’s nothing wrong with taking notes on other people’s situations to not have to make the same mistakes as our friends! Feel free to leave notes, comments, feedback…whatever. Or if you just wanna read and take what you will from it, that’s fine too…

Until next time…