I Almost Lost Her…

Friday night, I was all sorts of hype about the weekend. I was heading to Baltimore to take in a show with one of my best friends, and to get some drinks, and to hang out at a lounge with some other friends and acquaintances around. That was, until I went home. I stopped past my house to pick up a check and so my friend that was with me could use the bathroom. I called out to my mother to let her know I was home, and all she could say back was she didn’t feel good. Usually there’s some type of back story to it, or some thought process about what could potentially be wrong, but this time there was nothing.

My thoughts automatically went to “ok…well if you don’t feel good, what’s wrong?” I got met with stuttering vocabulary, breathlessness, and no real indication of what was going on. I kept asking her to tell me what was wrong, but she couldn’t. To be honest, I was getting flustered and irritated because I had no idea what was going on, and I hate not knowing what’s happening when things are going on. I went into her room, she told me to sit down, and that’s when I just knew everything was completely wrong. I told her I didn’t care what she said, I was either calling the ambulance or taking her to the emergency room myself. I rummaged through drawers to find clothes to put on her, because I was taking her there if she could get to the car. I had to ask my friend to come in and help me get the clothes on her, and I looked at my friend and asked if I should call 911, and her response was “yes. Call them.”

Wanna know who was scared out of her natural mind? Me. I called 911, and they told me to ask her a couple of questions to check if she was having a stroke, and the paramedics ended up showing up about 4-5 minutes later. They were the absolute longest 4-5 minutes of my life, because I just knew it was something that was going to take forever to fix, and I was literally scared to death that I lost my mom. I gathered all her medicine, put it in a bag by the front door, got her drivers license and insurance information ready, and I just knew I was going to be spending my weekend in a hospital.

Thankfully and luckily, I didn’t have to. When the paramedics got there, they checked all of her vitals and found that her blood sugar was at 41 – it’s usually supposed to be near or around 100, and her last negative reaction to low blood sugar happened when she was at 72. The paramedics told me to get her juice with sugar added to it (I put like 4 tablespoons in each cup), my friend made a pb&j sandwich for her while I sat at the table sobbing like a child, and the paramedic gave her the banana that was on top of our microwave. She started to come around, and I later found out that she had no recollection of what happened. Her memory completely blanked out from about 5:00 that evening until 7:20 or so when the paramedics and I were all standing around in her room.

I went and got her some dinner, and by the time I got back to the house, she was up and talking, and 30 or so minutes after she finished eating, she was up trying to wash clothes, so I knew everything was better. I was completely exhausted and drained, but three of my best friends were there to keep me company and keep me from focusing on the “what ifs” like I’m so prone to do.

My moral of the story: God works in mysterious and unsuspecting ways sometimes. Had I gone to Baltimore, this may have been a completely different blog post. If I never believed in divine intervention and the work of God, I definitely do after Friday night. My mother and I don’t always see eye to eye, and I’m in the midst of trying to break out and spread my wings and repair our relationship by moving out, but…Friday reminded me just how much I love and appreciate her. I almost lost her…

An Amazingly Simple Night…

It’s been a while since I’ve put some words on this here e-crib of mine. Blame a full time job, a full time school load, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life for that one. I decided to break my unintentional hiatus here with some thoughts that popped up this evening while on my drive home…

This evening I had the pleasure of finally meeting the boyfriend of one of my “big sisters.” Funny how I call her my big sister, but she needs a stepstool to hug me. 😉 Anyway…he and I clicked like we had known each other for years. I guess all of the trash talking we had done through her for the last couple of months built our rapport before we ever met each other. This isn’t about me, though. It is 100% all about them. What I witnessed tonight was one of the most beautiful displays of love I think I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s not because there were rose petals laid out all over the floor, or overt displays of affection (neither were present), but just because everything felt so…right. Anybody that knows me knows that I absolutely hate being a third wheel. Something about being single around a couple has always rubbed me the wrong way, but this time? Not even. They were so at ease with each other and with me that it felt like it was just three friends sitting around joking, laughing, and waiting to eat dinner, rather than a boyfriend, his woman, and her friend doing the same. The air in the house was just…light. No time for arguing, no time for ridiculousness, just genuine time spent with one another (and with me), and it was just absolutely perfect.

To be honest, it gave me hope. If I’m going to be honest with myself, I know I get really despondent about relationships sometimes, but watching them renewed my faith in a sense. It reminded me that true love doesn’t have to have this element of discontent and contention to it. I really feel like my friend and her man have the whole concept of “it’s the little things that matter” down pact. While I was engaging with them and cracking jokes the entire time, I was also taking mental notes. The way they talk to each other, the way they consider each other’s opinions, how hospitable each of them were to each other and to me, how you can literally feel the love they have for one another as soon as you walk into the room where both of them are…it left me feeling inspired. I needed to be reminded that it’s possible to feel that way about someone and to have them feel that way about you, and for it to just be…right. Man! I wish ya’ll could have been there…

Needless to say, I’m extremely happy for my friend. I’m so happy that he makes her happy and treats her well and that she walks around with a constant smile on her face because she deserves it. They fit each other well, they compliment each other well, and I feel like they work really well together. I’ve gotten a glimpse into what I hope my future looks like one day, and I am so extraordinarily blessed to have been in their presence for the short time that I was…thanks for the hope and the excellent example that you’ve set for me…

Between The Foreign Exchange being in heavy rotation, and having witnessed an amazing couple tonight, I feel like I’m going to have some great dreams. Everyone reading this – remember love is possible, necessary, and beautiful. Until next time, I leave you with one of my favorite lines from The Foreign Exchange that sums up exactly how I feel after tonight…

“Good people/good lovin’/good music in my life/
It makes me happy/so happy”

The Foreign Exchange – Happiness

31 Day Reset Challenge – Update

Well, I’m on Day 9 of the challenge, and it has been an eye opening one to say the least. I’ve learned a lot about myself, even though I’ve fallen behind in some of my challenges. Having to completely and thoroughly assess my life has proven to be both heart-wrenching and inspiring; for so long, I’ve thought as my life as negative, while in reality, it’s actually getting to a turning point where I can create major, lasting change for years to come. I’m excited to learn more about me and where I want my life to go while connecting with other people who are taking the steps to reset their lives in 2011.

I’ve linked up with two of my friends and their website How to Make It Moments to track my progress in this challenge. Not only does it provide exposure for the challenge, but it also holds me accountable to having a timeline, and completing my tasks as scheduled.

I’m excited to see the transformation in my life, and in the lives of those that I personally know that are taking the challenge with me. Here’s to an awesome start to 2011! 🙂

31 Day Reset Challenge

Well folks, it’s a new year…I know typically we get caught up on the page of the calendar turning and we magically think that everything will be different once the clock strikes 12:00 AM on January 1 of . Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite happen that way. I have been saying for the past couple of months that I’d like to see a change in my own life, and I finally came across a means to an end to get that done. I believe my dear friend Max sent me the challenge from Rosetta Thurman and her website to do a 31 Day Reset on your life. A lightbulb went off in my head, and I immediately committed to taking the month of January 2011 to do this challenge. If nothing else, it will tell me the positives and negatives in my own life, and I can begin to make concrete, lasting decisions on how to maintain and improve the positives and correct the negatives.

For Day 1, the challenge was to pick a mantra. After not much thought at all (because it jumped out at me so quickly), I decided to make mine the Serenity Prayer. For those of you that may not be familiar, it reads “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” It’s so what I need the most work on in my life because I have a bad habit of overanalyzing everything that comes my way, and spending a lot of energy on things I have no control over. I hope to have a better grasp on that by the end of this challenge.

For Day 2, I had to conduct a life assessment. I’m not going to go into extensive detail here, but the thing that stuck out to me the most was that the things that I don’t particularly like about my life are all able to be changed. Seeing it on paper made me realize that I can take steps to eradicate these negative things out of my life and begin to work more on the positive.

I know this challenge will be one for the books; I hope that something I write here helps someone out…until next time, folks!

Reverb 10 – Day 31

December 31

Prompt: Core story. What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)

Even though I just wrote about it in my last post, I believe that the central story in my life is love and relationships. That does not automatically equate to the “romantic” side of it all, but it does have to do with the love I feel for people and the relationships that I’ve formed, maintained, strengthened, or discontinued with people. In fact, I believe that less than half of how I feel has to do with the romantic side of it, but that’s neither here nor there. This year was all about getting back in touch with people, and finding my niche within certain groups of friends. Everything isn’t perfect, so unfortunately, there are certain places that I don’t fit, but I have been blessed and fortunate to find some places where I’ve found a niche. No matter the situation between me and someone else, if I loved them once, I’ll always love them…the type of love just evolves and changes based on our situation. I’ve learned this year that sometimes you have to love people from a distance, and that everyone isn’t meant for every aspect of your life. I love the interactions I have with people on a daily basis, and I’m always hanging out with one person or talking to another or trying to help someone out…that’s how I share it with the world. If I consider someone a friend, they become extremely important to me, and I make it my business to let them know that. I think that this year has taught me that people deserve to know how I feel about them, and that positivity goes a lot further than negativity ever could. I’m making it my mission in 2011 to continue what I started in 2010: to make myself happy, to try and exude positivity as much as I can, and to help myself and my friends/family to reach their full potential. That’s been the theme of who I am for as long as I can remember, and now it’s time to really put what I want to do into action…it’s been a hell of a year, and I wouldn’t have traded any experience, positive or negative, for anything in the world because it’s made me into who I am today. I hope everyone reading this has an amazing New Year’s Eve, and has a productive and successful 2011. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey of self-realization and self-discovery!

Reverb 10 – Day 30

December 30

Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

I believe that the most memorable gift I received this year was the gift of friendship. It sounds really cliché, but I’ve had problems with understanding and grasping the concept that people can really stick with me when things are good and when things are bad. Friendship may not seem like a gift to other people, but I believe that sharing someone else’s life with them is a privilege, not a right. I’ve always considered myself to be a good friend (though I know there are areas where I can improve), but I didn’t until this year realize how amazing the friends I have are. Granted, I’ve either lost or diminished some friendships over the past 12 months, but all of those experiences have made me into a stronger person, and into a more grateful one for the friendships that have managed to make it through. It’s not always easy to remain invested in people especially when you’re scared they’ll walk away, but allowing myself to be vulnerable to people has proven to be an amazing asset to my life. I have to thank all of my friends for blessing me with the opportunity to get to know them better, to exchange dialogue with them, and allowing me to share some of the most precious moments in life with them. 2010 was definitely the year of the friend for me, and I’m hoping that 2011 proves to be just as, if not more, fulfilling.

P.S. I did also receive the Michael Jackson Experience game for Wii, and some North Face E-Tip gloves, both of which are pretty amazing as well. 🙂

Reverb 10 – Day 29

December 29

Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

One of the defining moments that stands out for me this year was the experience of working at my first full time job. From the interviewing process, to getting the call that I received the job, to actually becoming an employee, and getting integrated into the company was something that began to shape who I was as a person and really shaped a good portion of my year in 2010. I had held jobs before, and even held one office job before the one I got in June, but I had never been a full time employee in a corporate setting before. Some of the lessons that I learned while at my last job have carried over into the new job I’m currently working in, and I’m grateful I got the experience. I think it defined me because it gave me something to get up for everyday, and I hadn’t had that feeling since I was in college. I got the chance to meet and work with some phenomenal people, and some of the connections that I made at the office I was at have already proven to be an invaluable asset to my personal and professional life. I’m a better person having worked there (even though at the time I was there I wanted to run for the hills some days), and I even have moments in my new job where I miss being there and interacting with everyone. Since I was the receptionist, I was in the middle of the office (ironic considering the role I play in a lot of my friends’ lives – but that’s neither here nor there), so I made it my duty to get to know everyone in the office, and speak to everyone not just when they came in the office or were leaving for the day, but as the day went on. I’ve taken that same attitude with me to my new job, and it’s served me well. I think that the experience at my first full time job made me a more well-rounded person, and gave me a consciousness about how projecting a positive or negative attitude can make all of the difference. I miss being there some days, and I hope all of my old coworkers are surviving without me! 🙂